Ebony Fowler, M.ed, LCPC
Let’s talk about something real for a quick second…our bodies change all the time, and so do we. But, so many of us feel pressure to fit into a version of ourselves that no longer exists. Maybe you miss the body you had in college. Maybe motherhood, stress, or just life has shifted how you see yourself. Maybe you’ve spent years fighting with the scale, the mirror, or the expectations placed on Black women to always look “snatched,” effortlessly put together, and in control all the time.
Sis, let me remind you of something: Your body is not the enemy. The way you see yourself has been shaped by a world that often tells us we’re too much of this, not enough of that.
But the truth is, every version of you has been worthy…and still is.
Our Bodies, Our Stories
Black women’s bodies have always been policed, praised, criticized, and objectified, often all at the same time. From childhood, we hear things like:
🔸 “Don’t get too big now.”
🔸 “We gotta put some meat on them bones!”
🔸 “You better keep it tight, ain’t nobody checking for sloppy.”
🔸 “Black don’t crack, but it does sag.”
Of course we learn to internalize these messages. We learn to critique ourselves before anyone else can, that’s a form of hypervigilance. We tie our worth to dress sizes, waistlines, and whether our bodies are “acceptable” by ever-changing beauty standards. And when those standards shift, or when our bodies change, we start to feel like we’re losing ourselves.
But check this out, you have never been Just your body…you’re so much more than that. Your essence, your energy, your soul…that’s what makes you magic. And it’s time to start treating yourself with the same love you so easily give to others.
Breaking Free from Body Shame
It’s not always easy to rewrite the narratives we’ve been fed, but it’s possible.
Here’s how you can start embracing all of you, no matter where you are in your journey:
1. Stop Talking to Yourself Like a Hater
If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. That little voice in your head that calls you “too big,” “too old,” or “not good enough” is lying. Replace the self-criticism with self-compassion. Your body has carried you through life, through joy, pain, and everything in between. It’s time to honor her.
2. Remember That Bodies Are Supposed to Change
Weight fluctuates. Skin changes. Hair textures shift. Hormones terrorize us all throughout our lives. Your body is a living, breathing, evolving masterpiece. Every stretch mark, curve, wrinkle, and scar tells a story of survival, growth, and experience.
3. Unfollow the Noise
Be mindful of the images and messages you take in daily. Social media will have you thinking you’re the only one who doesn’t wake up looking put together. Curate your feed with real, unfiltered beauty, bodies that look like yours, people who uplift instead of triggering insecurity.
4. Wear What Makes You Feel Good Now
Not “when you lose 10 pounds.” Not “once you tone up.” Right now. Stop waiting for some future version of yourself to feel worthy of joy, confidence, or self-expression. Rock that cute fit. Take that selfie. And show up for yourself, just as you are.
5. Show Your Body Love Through Action
Self-love isn’t just a mindset; it’s a practice. Move your body in ways that make you feel good (not as punishment). Nourish yourself with food that makes you feel alive. Rest when you need it…without guilt. Treat yourself with the same softness you’d give a child.
6. Surround Yourself with Love & Representation
We were never meant to do life alone. Find community in spaces where all bodies are celebrated. Speak affirmations over yourself. And when the self-doubt creeps in, remember: You are enough, right now, in this very moment.
You Deserve to Take Up Space
So much of our self-worth has been tied to shrinking, physically, emotionally, even spiritually. But girl, you were never meant to be small. Your presence, your voice, your beauty, all of it, deserves to be seen and honored.
No matter what size, shape, or stage of life you’re in, know this: You are worthy of love, joy, and confidence, not when you change, but exactly as you are right now.
And if you ever need a space to talk about it, process, or just be reminded of how deeply deserving you are. I got you!