Ebony Fowler, M.ed, LCPC
Ebony Fowler, M.ed, LCPC
Let’s keep it real…a lot of us didn’t get the love, guidance, or emotional safety we needed growing up. Maybe you were expected to be strong before you even knew what strength was. Maybe you had to navigate emotions on your own because the adults around you didn’t know how to hold space for them. Or maybe you learned early on that love had conditions; be good, be useful, be quiet, be perfect.
Now, as an adult, you might find yourself struggling with self-doubt, people-pleasing, or feeling unworthy of the love and care you so freely give to others. That’s where reparenting comes in. It’s the process of giving yourself what you didn’t get, nurturing the parts of you that still need tenderness, and showing up for yourself in ways that no one else ever did.
What Does It Mean to Reparent Yourself?
Reparenting is exactly what it sounds like, becoming the parent your younger self needed to feel safe, supported, and loved. It’s learning to:
✔️ Validate your emotions instead of ignoring them.
✔️ Speak to yourself with kindness instead of criticism.
✔️ Set boundaries that protect your peace.
✔️ Give yourself permission to rest, play, and just be.
It’s not about blaming your parents or dwelling in the past. It’s about breaking cycles and choosing to heal so that the patterns that hurt you don’t keep running your life.
Signs Your Inner Child Needs Healing
Your inner child speaks to you all the time, you just have to listen.
Here are some signs that part of you is still waiting to be nurtured:
You feel unworthy unless you’re “doing” something productive.
You struggle with setting or enforcing boundaries.
You constantly seek validation from others.
You avoid conflict because you fear rejection.
You have a hard time trusting yourself.
If any of these hit home, don’t worry. Healing is possible.
And it starts with small, intentional acts of self-love.
How to Start Reparenting Yourself
1. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love
Would you ever call a child stupid for making a mistake? Or tell them they’re not good enough? Of course not! So why talk to yourself that way? Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Instead of “I always mess up,” try “I’m learning and growing.”
2. Validate Your Feelings
That little voice inside of you that says, I feel hurt. I feel lonely. I feel scared, it deserves to be heard. Your feelings are valid, no matter how big or small. The more you honor them, the more you teach yourself that it’s safe to feel.
3. Create Safe Spaces for Yourself
Your inner child thrives in environments where they feel safe. That might mean surrounding yourself with loving people, creating routines that bring you comfort, or engaging in activities that bring you joy…dancing, coloring, journaling, or even watching your favorite childhood shows.
4. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Little you deserved protection. And big you deserves peace. Saying no isn’t mean, it’s self-care! Honor your limits and surround yourself with people who respect them.
5. Give Yourself What You Needed Back Then…now
Think back to what you needed most as a child. More encouragement? More hugs? More permission to rest and play? You can give those things to yourself now. Speak affirmations over yourself. Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket. Give yourself grace.
Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination
Reparenting isn’t about becoming a “perfect” version of yourself…it’s about loving every version of yourself. Some days will feel easier than others, and that’s okay. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself, one moment at a time.
You deserve the love and care you’ve always given to others. And the best part? You don’t have to do it alone. If you need a space to unpack, process, and heal, I’m here.