From Surviving to Embracing My Light: The Journey That Inspired My Career

One of the funniest things about becoming a therapist is realizing how much you actually needed one yourself.

I know that’s a little cliche but it’s true.

I mean, looking back at little Ebony now I think…

“Aww sweetie…you were carrying so much.”

Back then, I didn’t have words like ADHD, social anxiety, masking, or emotional regulation to explain what I was experiencing. I just knew I was trying really hard.

To be smart enough.

Talented enough.

Confident enough.

Pretty enough. 

As a little Black girl, I learned pretty early what was expected of me. Be polite. Be successful. Make people proud. Don’t make too much noise…unless you want to be criticized.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to wear whatever mask the moment called for. Looking back now, I can understand why. I just really wanted to fit in. I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted people to notice my strengths instead of my flaws.

The problem was the more masks I created, the harder it became to figure out which version of me actually felt like the real me.

Maybe you’ve been there too.

You start checking off every box, reaching every milestone, and doing everything “right,” on paper at least…but still feel like something is missing.

You can get the promotion, complete the degrees, buy the house, or become the person everybody hoped you’d become…and still feel like you’re failing. 

Ain’t that crazy! 

Not because you’re doing something wrong.

Mostly because you’ve been suppressing difficult emotions and telling yourself, “I’m fine,” instead of learning to acknowledge, reconcile, and release them in a healthy way.

That’s the sneaky thing about survival mode.

It doesn’t always look like a crisis.

Sometimes it looks like achievement.

Sometimes it looks like being the responsible one.

Sometimes it looks like becoming so good at holding everything together that nobody realizes how exhausted you are…including you.

And that’s not something I learned in graduate school.

This lesson came the natural way, through observation. …………………………………………………

Growing up, I watched people I loved carry pain they never felt comfortable talking about. Family members. Friends. Teachers. Good people trying to make it through life the best they could while secretly carrying trauma they never had space, language, or support to heal.

I remember wishing there was something I could do to help them.

Not fix them.

Just help enough for them to enjoy life more.

Looking back, I think that’s where the therapist in me was born.

Way before I had the license.

Way before I owned a business.

Way before anybody called me an “expert.”

I’ve always been fascinated by people. Not in a nosy way. (Well, maybe just a little lol.)

I genuinely wanted to understand more about what makes us who we are.

For instance, how can two people experience the same trauma but walk away believing two completely different things about themselves?

Why do some of us spend years apologizing just for being ourselves?

And why is asking for help, or receiving help, so uncomfortable for the people comfortable helping everyone else?

Those questions intrigued me at every job I had before I became a therapist. As a daycare teacher, foster parent recruiter, census reporter, sales associate, family service advocate, case manager, and a substance abuse counselor. Long journey, right?

Each role taught me something important.

Each one guided me a little closer to where I was supposed to be, even during the moments when imposter syndrome had me convinced I wasn’t good enough to even become a therapist.

Can I be honest though?

It took me a lot longer than expected to start grad school for counseling. Not because I didn’t want it bad enough.

I genuinely questioned whether I was really smart enough for this profession.

Funny how the beliefs we help other people challenge are sometimes the exact ones we’ve had to work through ourselves.

Every time I think I’ve finally overcome my imposter syndrome…she peeks her sneaky little nose around the corner like,

“Hey big head?”

Life has a way of keeping us humble like that.

Crazy thing is, I’m going through something similar right now as I navigate a new path in my career: public speaking.

It takes a lot of inner work to exude confidence when your body is glitching on the inside. 

…………………………………………………

For years, most of my conversations with clients take place on a computer or a tablet screen.

Different people.

Different ages.

Different stories.

But after a few sessions, something really beautiful happens…the screen starts to disappear and people are finally able to stop masking and reveal their true self.

The Performance ends and Healing begins.

Then they start showing up in ways they have not done in front of anyone, sometimes not even themselves.

Those are the moments that fill me up every single time because they remind me that I’m walking in alignment with what God called me to do: help people learn to love themselves.

This is literally my DREAM JOB.

People often ask me what Embrace Your Light means and how it became the name of my business.

The funny thing is, I really did try to sit down and come up with something trendy.

But now I know it was much bigger than a name for me. It was really a divine message.

For me and for everyone that I worked with in therapy. Embrace Your Light and Let it Shine. 

I don’t believe trauma steals your light.

I think life just has a way of dimming it until it becomes harder to feel. But it’s always there,  inside of you…guiding, loving, and protecting you. 

From,

Childhood struggles,

Depression,

Heartbreak,

Generational trauma,

Failure,

Burnout,

Always being the strong one.

Years of becoming who you thought everybody else needed you to be. Until one day you pause and wonder,

“Wow…who am I now?”

The beautiful part is this…

Your light was never gone.

Sometimes it just needs to be you to remember who you are before it can shine the way it was always meant to. That’s really what my work is about.

Not fixing people.

Helping them reconnect with themselves.

Helping them remember that underneath the trauma, the fear, the self-doubt, and all the roles they’ve had to play…there’s still a whole person in there.

And trust me,meeting that version of yourself again is worth the work. One thing that surprises people about me is how much I include JOY in the healing process.

I love a good breakthrough moment in therapy.I also love a really good laugh. That’s probably why I created my Krash-Out Karaoke music therapy club.

When most people hear the title they start laughing instantly. Mission accomplished.

But behind all the fun is something I care about…deeply,

Collective Joy.

…………………………………………………

We spend so much of our lives just trying to keep it together, don’t we?

Holding our breath.

Holding back our emotions.

Holding onto the pain of others.

However, there is something magical about yelling the lyrics of your favorite song with other people…

Shoulders drop, anxiety fades, and people start laughing out loud.

Women who walked in feeling nervous leave standing a little taller and smiling a lot brighter. There’s something healing about finally feeling your nervous system settle, knowing…

“I’m safe.”

“It’s okay to feel all the feels.”

“I can really be myself here.”

This is the hope behind Krash-Out Karaoke.

Believe it or not, this feels like therapy too. Maybe not the kind most people imagine. Healing doesn’t have to be boring though.  

Sometimes it can be fun. Sometimes it can be silly. Sometimes it can happen in community.  Sometimes it’s exactly what your heart has been searching for all along, acceptance. 

Unfortunately, marketing is not my ministry, y’all. So getting the word out has definitely been a challenge. Meaningful programs take time to grow. I’m learning to trust divine timing. 

I learned this the most while growing my counseling business. Doing therapy is super enlightening, sometimes it feels surreal. 

Like witnessing someone realize they’re not broken or damaged.

Waving teenagers learn to believe in themselves.

Helping people trust themselves again after years of doubting every decision they make.

That lights me up in a way that is honestly hard to put into words. It reminds me why I decided on this work in the first place.

…………………………………………….

Now the work I do looks different each day. 

Some days I’m providing therapy.

Some days I’m teaching yoga.

Some days I’m leading support groups.

Other days I’m doing workshops for educators, healthcare professionals, or students about taking care of your mental health.

Different audiences.

Varying topics and activities. 

Same mission though... 

Helping people unwind and start living their lives more authentically to gain…

Peace

Within

…………………………………………………

If you’ve found your way here, maybe this is a reminder you needed today.

If so, remember…

You don’t have to earn rest.

You don’t have to earn acceptance.

And you definitely don’t have to earn peace.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is not to keep going…

It’s finally letting go of unrealistic expectations for perfection and practicing living life out loud.

If only little Ebony could see me now, I think she’d be really surprised.

Not because I became a therapist.

Not because I own a business.

Not because I’ve written a book or speak in front of large audiences.

She’d be surprised and happy that she finally gets to just be herself, without the limiting grasp of fear. 

No mask.

No performance.

Just…Ebony.

And if that’s possible for me, I believe it’s possible for you too.

Your light has never left you.

You just need to reconnect with it before it can shine the way it was always meant to.

I hope this helps you remember how DOPE you really are, the world needs your ENERGY. ✨

Ebony Fowler, M.ed, LCPC, CYT-200, owner of Embrace Your Light Counseling & Wellness, LLC.